Yippee-skippee! Plunging in with reckless abandon is the key.
Stop over-thinking, stop being so tight with the materials. Just WASTE IT ALL!
I added up the costs for all the glass, paint, color laser photos, gold leaf etc., and decided that wasting it all wasn't the end of the world--and that being stingy and tight was costing me dearly. Stingy and tight pertain not only to the materials, but also to my willingness to let it all gush out. Even the ugly shit.
So I coached myself all day yesterday (yes, outloud) to simply proceed with reckless abandon. Have a thought? Do it! Have another? Do it too! Use up the materials, squander them! That's what they are here for.
I discovered again that my process has to occur through my hands & eyes, not my head.
Just do, do, do... (so what if I make a ton of ugly stuff in the process?).
And last night I started getting that feeling of little tickles in my belly and chest, which grew to a kind of trembling all over.
I found the path! My new line is begun!
Oh man, that wall was a tough one this time.
Now, to go forth and experiment, grow it, refine it, and grow it into what it wants to be.
I'm excited and happy again.
Huh. I am digging deep into a buried closet where (behind skis & poles (which I got out and placed in a position for USE!) & boxes & old linens & carefully stored grandma-linens & old coats...) all my photos are stored, unseen since I put them there with the intent of organizing them years ago. I had a sudden desire to dig out some photos from the past to maybe use in this current work.
And then I remembered my horoscope I had read for this week by Rob Brezny:
"We should not think of our past as definitely settled, for we are not a stone or a tree," wrote poet Czeslaw Milosz. "My past changes every minute according to the meaning given it now, in this moment.” I suggest you make abundant use of this wisdom in 2010. According to my reading of the astrological omens, you will have unprecedented power to re-vision and reinterpret your past. Keep the following question in mind as you go about your work: "How can I recreate my history so as to make my willpower stronger, my love of life more intense, and my future more interesting?"
It seems I've found the stream. Synchronicity waves to me from the shore.