Saturday, January 29, 2011

at it, but not in it yet

Not bad though. I woke happy.

Three, maybe four days ahead of me in delicious solitude!

Developing, refining, expanding, sizing and consolidating my new work.

In my own head, my own heart, my own space.

I dunno. I used to feel lonely a lot.

But then I filled in all the space with work.

It seemed like a much better plan than waiting, waiting, waiting for...

Some of it has become boring, granted.

In fact I am beginning to realize that a lot of my night work (second shift, as I call it) is getting pretty boring at this point. I realize I need to make some changes. Maybe a bit of a social life?

That's a radical thought.

But the creative phase, that's SOOOO not boring. It's delicious, like cracking through the sugar crust of a pot au creme and lifting the spoon to my lips as I salivate in anticipation.

Yep. It's that good.

Oh, I'm not saying it's not hard. Sometimes it's utter agony on every level: mental, emotional, spiritual. But sometimes it's absolute delight, on all those same levels.

But the luxury of the TIME. The time. The time...

Oh, that is the best. The very best.

And to have a purpose for that (this) time is a reason to be filled with gratitude.

And I am.

Good night!


  1. A friend sent an email link this morning in which I was reminded of the difference between waiting and stillness. Their interpretation was that waiting implied an expectation of something outside our self to arrive and, somehow, make things better, while stillness spoke of the process of allowing what we need to know, to find, to learn, to emerge in its own time, without anxiety, with faith. So many fine lines.

  2. yes! The difference between waiting (which implies waiting for someone/something from outside), and stillness, which for me implies waiting for something, a whisper voice, to come from inside. My "trying too hard" has gotten in the way of my stillness. So many fine lines, so much to learn, so much practice needed. Always.
    Thank you!