Saturday, February 5, 2011

tired, and...

utterly unable to see or even really feel if what I have been working to birth will actually be born, or... well, maybe a false pregnancy of sorts.

I really don't know.

I have confidence in my "old" work, confidence in some of the new pieces, and little nudges of what might still be in the gestation realm.

But I'm essentially sightless at this point.

Working on momentum, and with a sort of tiredness and over-stimulation that will lead either to a breakthrough, a disappointment, or simply "good enough".

Or maybe I'll be utterly surprised and it will thrill me when I get it all set up and lighted at The Show.

Thanks to my spectacularly talented assistants, some breakthrough HAS occurred in the past 24 hours.

But I'm really too tired to see clearly if it is ... well ... enough to sufficiently differentiate the new from the old.

I have some new ideas to work on this weekend.

And then it's shipping time.

And then in the next week I need to make my catalog, arrange my crew for Philly, book my flight, and...

maybe,

just maybe,

come up with something that will elevate the new attempts to the level of confidence and real pride of presentation.

And then pay the big bucks to bring it as excess baggage on the flight.

I wish I had blogged this process the past two years, so that I could be reminded that these are all normal and predictable feelings at this stage.

But I am blogging it now, and next year I'll re-read it and be reminded.

And hopefully soothed.

Although I had intended to be in bed by 10 tonight, making all the masks and applying them took longer than I had expected.

As everything always does.

But, I'll be asleep by 1:00, and that's something!

Goodnight.

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