Thursday, April 7, 2011

heavy weather

This week, here in my home/studio/factory--often known as "studio hyjinx" we've had very heavy hearts.

My assistant T. left to come here Tuesday morning calling out to her husband: "see you tonight, I love you!"

And when she got home that evening her husband told her that the marriage wasn't working for him, he wants a divorce, he's seeing someone else and he has already spoken with a lawyer. Oh, and that she should move out that night.

No warnings, no process, no affect, no feelings shown. Nothing.

When she called me that evening I didn't believe her. When she convinced me it was no joke I couldn't close my mouth.

There were trips planned, she had just taken on and completed a modest remodel of their home, he was buying fish for dinner and we had discussed that day at the work table what she would make to go with it.

She is in shock. Grief. Despair.

And all of us here are as well.

And then a second wave:

R. (another of "us") got a phone call that an acquaintance/neighbor of hers had been brutally beaten (probably to death, as she was showing no brain activity at last report) while we were all here, working, that same day.

We are all in shock.

Absorbing the impact of cruelty, brutality.

Absorbing the fact that the earth is not as solidly stable under our feet as we want to believe it is.

Earthquakes, tsunamis, wars, lies, heartlessness, cruelty and violence. In the big world, and in the small.

We have no control.

We can only do our best.

And be kind.

Tuesday, April 5, 2011

I've noticed lately...

...that it's often hard for me to gain entrance to a new book.

I keep trying to begin, and each night fall asleep only a few pages into it.

Then, the next night I forget what I had read and start over.

And over.

And over.

I picture it like running to get up enough speed to jump aboard a moving freight train; once safely on it I can just hang on and enjoy the ride.

But sometimes it takes a number of tries.

This is just a polite way of saying:

"I'm going to bed early, 'cuz I'd really like to jump on that train."