Saturday, June 4, 2011

where's normal?

It's all a fog.

First, horrible 12-hour stint of what I thought was excruciating heartburn. Pacing, rocking all night and day...

Then my brother called and said "huh, sounds like when I had my gallbladder attack."

To doctor, to ultrasound, to confirmation, to making appt. with surgeon.

Then to Arizona to host a big party to celebrate mom's 80th birthday, everyone's invited! PARTAY!

Warning from doctor: "don't eat anything. If you get an attack while you are gone go to ER asap".


Home, see surgeon, surgery the next morning. In and out he said. Easy-peasy.

Surgery. Amazing drugs, floating, floating, floating. OUCH! more floating, courtesy of the blue button gripped in my left hand...

"gotta keep you overnight"


blue button, blue button, blue button... the button of floatation. The blue button of blur.

"enzymes weird, duct blocked, gotta keep you overnight again, maybe another surgery in the morning, no food or drink again"


blue button float.

Ok eat. tests inconclusive. go home, come in a week for more tests.

what was that, 3 days on the blue button?

Surgeon comes by to talk before I leave, checks my blue button-bag. "huh, you've used a really minuscule amount"

I sigh and tell him I was sure I was about to be busted for blue-button-abuse.

Honestly, pain aside, the blue-button is the only way to survive the utter boredom of hospital.

Home again, riding waves of work, nap, walk, nap, work, nap, nap, sleep... pain, relief.

gradually getting better.

But I'm feeling rather at a loss. Between having been in Arizona and then being "gone" in other ways...

I'm trying to find my way back to my own rhythm. My personal normal.

My rhythm is out of whack. I can see the tracks, but can't quite hop on.

Through the weird fog of in-between, I am aware that T. is keeping my business rolling along those tracks.

Thank goodness for such a fab. assistant!


  1. The business of losing rhythm ... I know the feeling. I lost several years of studio-workshop time due to an Achilles tenon problem and repair ... picking up the pieces has been difficult. No one offered me a blue button, I'm jealous!

    Hope you find your groove, perhaps with a different POV.

  2. Thanks Bill, I can tell that you understand. Wow, several years... yikes!
    Here's to groovin'..

  3. Maybe this will help:

  4. Thanks T., but... it doesn't seem to be working!

  5. Hope you're better by now... getting better day by day. I myself had a second surgery a week later when they finally found out through xrays I had a uleus which made me throw up gall all the time... why did it take them so long to figure that out?! First days after both surgeries were miserable, I so feel with you... did you have another check-up by now?
    Love you, E

  6. Hope everything aligns for you soon - Rebecca and I understand your pain!

    When I had my gallbadder attack, i thought it was a heart attack - it's just amazing how much pain that little organ can dish out - then one night my daughter came to me in pain - she explained how it felt - and i knew - the girl is just like her mom - now we are both gallbadder free, and better for it!

    take care, Caroline

  7. Oh man, the first time it happened I was visiting some friends and staying in a little cabin on their property. My friend is a doctor. I was googling the difference between heart attack and heart burn on my iPhone for a few hours, not wanting to disturb my friend. Oh lordy. SOOOOO glad it's over!